Total Drama Backfire
by FallingFromBrokenWings
Summary: Day 2:... Stuff happens. You know... stuff. Dramatic... stuff. Sorry for being dead for five months. Yeah, my bad. Quote of the day: "Mein Führer! I can walk!" from 'Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'
1. Welcome back to Camp!

A/N Hello and welcome to my first TD fic. After being cancelled by Can't Spell Beautiful, A.K.A. Deviated Hero A.K.A. Freaknik, I have gotten permission from him to pick it up and roll with it. Since the characters were already chosen when it was cancelled, I would like those who had submitted a character that was chosen for the final cast to please resubmit their characters, such as Donnie Danzig from Another Dead Hero, and Lily Larkin from ilykshopping. These characters will take precedence over any other applicants. But, unfortunately if your character isn't resubmitted soon, I'll have to choose from one of the other applicants.

P.S. For the original cast members, send your applications directly to me via P.M.

* * *

The camera pans of the expansive landscape of Camp Wawanakwa, before coming to rest over our esteemed host standing on The Dock of Shame.

"Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa! I'm your host, Chris Maclean."

Chris starts walking away from the dock to stand in front of the cabins, which amazingly look… clean?

"Yes the cabins have been cleaned." responds as if reading the viewer's minds "It was in the contract we signed with the new company sponsoring us."

His walk continues until he's standing in front of his podium at the campfire.

"We had troubles with our old sponsor, C.S.B. Productions. That is why this season had to be delayed." A small hint of anger flickers in his eyes as he mumbles "Stupid C.E.O. said it was too dangerous, we lose to many interns, the food went rotten in the fifties, blah, blah, blah." He ends his little rant with a small 'humph' before realizing the camera was still rolling. He blushes a light pink before addressing the camera.

"Yeah, so we're now with Broken Wings Inc., which by the way, is paying me double what I was being paid before!" Chris laughs… and laughs… and laughs…

The camera man, now starting to worry about Chris' mental health, as well as his own, turns the camera around to show himself

"Cut to commercial!" He even accents it by making a chopping motion with his hand.

* * *

_The camera pans over a desert tropic island… or so we think. On the beach stands a man, looking especially bad-ass in his black combat fatigues, vest and aviator shades, as well as sweating quite badly from the aforementioned items. _

"_Welcome…" He drawls out in a very sophisticated accent "My name is Albert Wesker, and I am the host for TV's newest reality show, Resident Evil Survivor."_

"_Your favourite characters from the Resident Evil series are going to be stuck with this sadistic host," He gives a chillingly evil smirk towards the camera, causing some viewers to faint, some even start laughing maniacally, but enough of them back to the host "competing for One Million Dollars!" _

_Before he can continue his little monologue, a very loud squeal, louder than Katie & Sadie's, one that could only come from a fan-girl, cuts him off._

_Looking around nervously, he tries to escape the scene, only to be glomped by a cute blonde girl, hereby known as W.C._

_As Wesker's screams of fear, and W.C.'s screams of fan-girlyness, fade into the background as the camera pans away. The survivor theme begins as the survivor logo appears._

_We will now return to your regular programming._

* * *

We return to the show finding Chris collapsed on the ground from lack of oxygen. Surrounding him are six of the original campers, Courtney, Duncan, Owen, Gwen, Geoff, and Bridgette.

Gwen, realizing the camera is back on, clears her throat and begins to speak.

"And we're back. As you can see we are going to be the six returning campers, and since Chris is out of it at the moment, I guess I'll finish his little speech."

She reaches down pulling a script out of Chris' back pocket, flipping it open she reads. "Since we had to leave our old sponsors, they refused to give us the addresses of the original cast of T.D.B. we are asking them once again to send in their applications. We are deeply sorry about this incon-Blah, blah, blah." She crumples up the script, throwing it away "Way too preachy. Anyway, just re-send your applications. I mean you have a chance to win one million dollars, a small chance, but a chance none the less."

Chef Hatchet, if that is his _real_ name, walks out from the cafeteria looking… well, pissed off as usual. He glares at the campers before barking. "What did you do, Maggots!?!"

The camera man cuts in. "Man, he just started laughing and couldn't stop, Man. It was freakin' crazy, Man."

Chef grunts in response. "Might be a case of _Pure-Evil-Bliss_."

Everyone gives him an odd look, before replying collectively with a 'What?'

"Never mind you maggots!" Dragging Chris along as he leaves.

After staring at him for another ten seconds, Duncan decides to address the camera. "Yeah… anyway. All you guys better rejoin, because you already were picked, it'd be unfair for you to miss this." He gestures to the entire camp, with a poorly contained laugh. "And besides, there were a lot of hot chicks on the cast."

This remark rewards him a swift elbow to the ribs, courtesy of Courtney.

Gwen chuckles softly as they start bickering in the background. "So we will se you next time on…"

"Total! Drama! Backfire!" The campers all yell.

* * *

**Applications**

-Personal Info-

Name (First and Last):

Nickname:

Gender:

Age (16-20 only):

Stereotype:

-Looks-

Hair (Color, Style, and accessories):

Eyes (Color and Shape):

Skin Color:

-Clothing-

Everyday wear:

Jacket/Coat (For bad weather. Optional):

Nightwear:

Swimsuit:

Formal:

Accessories (i.e. jewellery, glasses, etc.):

-Extra Info-

Personality:

Bio (Keep it somewhat short.)

Likes:

Dislikes:

Phobias:

Friends with what stereotype:

Enemies with what stereotype:

Paired Up?:

If 'Yes' what stereotype/personality:

-Audition Tape-

* * *

A/N And there we have it. The first chapter to TDB. The 'commercial' is promoting Wesker Chick's 'Survivor Resident Evil Style' fan-fic. It inspired me to write a humorous fic. Go read it… NOW!

…

…

…

You back? Okay. I'll accept any ideas for commercials, pairings, interns (Might be included), challenges, anything. If it's a good idea, it's a good idea. So chop-chop, and send those apps people! Like I said before, the original TDB cast will be picked first and foremost. And if you want to include extra info not listed above, go ahead. I'll probably wait untill this weekend before writing again, so hurry. This story will be more awesome than radio-active rubber pants… hopefully. And points for the first person to find the definition for Pure-Evil-Bliss.

K. Clark


	2. Arrival at Gate 13

A/N: Sorry for those who didn't make it in, but the show must go on!

It was a particularly poor weather at Camp Wawanakwa, a cold northern wind and an overcast sky, was what was to greet the incoming campers.

Our ever-present, and all seeing host, Chris was standing at the end of the dock. Choosing a much warmer get-up, he was wearing a, most likely really expensive, pair of faded jeans and a black jean jacket.

"Welcome to the first official episode of TV's newest, soon to be hit, reality show Total Drama Backfire!" Our esteemed host greets. "Finally, we are now able to introduce our newest victims for this season."

Just as he started to releases a particularly unpleasant cackle, the six veteran campers stroll up the dock, wondering just who exactly was brave (or stupid) enough to come to the most recent torture session. Upon seeing the host in a some what deranged state, they gave each other a nervous look.

Regaining his composure, he addresses the camera. "First up we have the Dream-breaker himself, all the way from Vegas…" He gives a puzzled look "Wait, isn't this supposed to be a Canadian show?" He questions.

The camera lowers a little as our intrepid camera-man responds. "Broken Wings Inc. decided to allow both Canadians and Americans enter. Believe it was somethin' about trying not to alienate the audience or somethin'."

Giving the camera-man a blank look, Chris continues. "Whatever. Any ways here is Alister Mcintyre!"

As the boat pulls next to the dock, a tanned boy with black and red streaked hair tied in a ponytail, jumps off the boat. Wearing a simple black jacket and a pair of dark jeans, he strides up to the host.

"How was the ride, man?"

"Unbelievably boring." He replies in stoic monotone tone.

"Whatever, next up is our Metal man, Randall Hodder!"

Jumping off next is a well pierced man, decked out in a black Slayer's tee-shirt over a red thermal, black jeans and heavy black boots.

"Just Hodder, man."

"I'll keep that in mind. Now, we got Katie James coming our way!" he announces.

Coming off the boat jumps a pale girl with heavily dyed hair, wearing a black knee-length skirt, with black knee-high socks, black converses, and fingerless gloves. Sporting a black jacket with 'Rebel' in highly stylized letters on the back, to protect herself from the chill.

Whistling a tune, sounding awfully like 'Bleed it Out' by Linkin Park, she strolls right by Chris to stand next to Alister and Hodder, muttering a chaste 'hello'.

"Okay… Up next is our Izzy-replacement, Kaila Yoshimura!"

Off the boat jumps… no-one? Chef turns around from the wheel of the ship shrugging his shoulders.

"Where is she?" Chris asks the new campers.

A jumbled mess of 'Dunno', 'Don't care', and 'What?' come from the trio.

As Chris was ready to call the producers, the sound of laughter could be heard in the distance. Getting louder as the campers and our host looked around for the source of the noise, before looking in the necessary direction… up.

Down from the sky, dressed in a red kimono top and a pair of well-worn pair of jeans with long, black hair, came sailing a tall, Japanese girl. Swinging over their heads, she lands at the far end of the dock, removing the parachute from her back. She is greeted by slack jaws, a round of applause, and 'Ten Points!' from Alister.

"Way to show up the competition, keep it up. Up next, comin' straight from a tropic vacation is Sparrow Drake!"

A tall boy with short messy hair, dressed in faded blue-jeans and a well worn leather jacket, leaps off the boat landing in an elaborate tuck-roll. Strolling up to Chris, he shakes his hand.

"Over the top as always, I see."

"Heh, you know it.""

From the back Duncan yells. "What kind of name is Sparrow, anyway?"

With a rather cocky smile he replies. "_My_ name."

"Ah, here comes our walking gossip magazine, Dana Heart!"

Wearing hot pink short-shorts and a baby blue rain jacket, a pretty blonde girl step's of the boat. Waltzing up to Chris, she gives a short, quick bow before walking up to the rest of the campers. She walks by saying 'Hi' to each and everyone of the campers. Standing next to Sparrow, he shakes her hand, and gently kisses the back of it.

"Pleasure to meet you, dear Heart." He says in a low voice.

She ducks her head as a rose-shade of pink lightly dusts her features.

Chris, already getting tired of the display of affection decides to move the show along. "Yeah… pleasure… whatever. From the state of Texas, Wyatt Bellevue!"

In a black fleece jacket, a pair of ripped jeans, a Texas belt, cowboy boots and hat, he lightly steps off the boat. Giving a small wave to Chris as he passes, he walks up to the campers. Pulling a bundle of roses, seemingly out of nowhere, possibly hammerspace, he gives a rose to each of the girls present. While each of the girl's blush, many of the guys look extremely pissed off for being outclassed. Except Sparrow, who gives him kudos for the action.

Chris, pissed off himself, continues. "Jeez. Is all this necessary so early in the show!?!" Sigh "Incoming is the '_flexible_' Piper Haleston!" He introduces with a chuckle.

Performing a back flip with a half-twist off the boat, lands a lithe girl with short, blonde hair tucked under a black and light-blue ski cap. In a puffy, camo jacket and loose fitting jeans, she slides up to the rest of the group, standing next to Katie.

"We seem to have a lot of flair this season. I like it!" He laughs joyfully "Closing in on the final camper, we now have Steve 'Rocker' Jones!"

Hopping of the boat comes a Hispanic coloured teen, dressed in a black Bolero, a dark red shirt, black Jeans, and biker boots. He mozies on up to Chris to give him a high-five.

"Rocker?" Steve questions.

"Eh," Chris replies "Short notice."

He walks to stand next to Randall, who gives him a look-over.

"Sweet boots, man."

"Thanks, dude."

Chris coughs, both to clear his throat and get the campers attention. "Our final camper joining us today is… Lily Larkin!"

Off the boat descends a beauty, wearing a frilly, white miniskirt, a hot pink tee, and brown wedge shoes. Flower behind her ear, she briskly walks up the dock. Getting stares from all the men in group, and one from Piper, she shakes Chris' hand.

"Finally, the last of the lot."

Lily walks straight to Dana and they start gabbing away. The dark grey clouds over head, finally decide to release a heavy downpour. Drake shrugs off his jacket, revealing his forest green Henley, and slides it over Lily's shoulders.

He smiles warmly down at her. "It's goin' to get cold. Don't want you to get sick or anything."

She shyly smiles and mutters a quiet 'Thank you' before returning to her chat with Dana. All with Hodder glaring daggers at him, with Dana looking at him slightly annoyed."

Chris turns to face all the campers "Okay! You got a couple of minutes to get familiar with each other."

He flips back around to look at the camera. "So there we have it, the first, and probably least dramatic, episode of Total Drama Backfire. I'm your host Chris Mclean, and I'll see you next time, in the most exciting episode yet of…"

The campers behind him all yell, startling him "Total! Drama! Backfire!"

"You guys…" He whines "You took my line!"

A/N Wow almost nothing exciting happened in this chapter… Aw well, we got the next episode to look forward to!


	3. Leap of Faith

A/N Great chapter for character development…

* * *

Zooming over the beautiful landscape of The Island, the camera comes to behold the campers and Chris. The storm, not giving any sign of ending soon, continues to rain misery down on the campers. While many of their moods turn as grey as the clouds, Lily seems to actually be enjoying the storm.

Our host flashes the camera one of his cheesy plastic smile. Gesturing around himself, to the camp and campers, he announces to the camera.

"Hello and welcome back to Total Drama Backfire!"

Hodder, quick to ruin his planned monologue, states. "Dude, it's only been like ten minutes…"

Irritated from the interruption, Chris snaps back. "Yeah, well it's now another episode, deal with it. Can I continue?"

"I don't know. _Can_ you?"

"Oh, just shut it! Anyway, we met the new campers' last episode. Alister, Kaila, Hodder… you know what? If you want to know who's all here, either continue watching, or wait for a re-run of last episode. Now, however, we have the first challenge for the show…"

Interrupting this time is Drake. "Don't we need to be put into teams first?"

"Nope."

Pushing himself to the front of the group, Duncan questions. "Wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about?"

Chris, laughing, replies. "Well… instead of having teams, and having a liquidation latter, the Head Honcho's decided for it to be a free-for-all."

"Free-for-all?"

"Yes, every man for himself survival of the fittest, only the strong survive, you know."

The camper's look at each other, possibly deciding whose ass is getting booted off first, or for possible alliances.

Chris, looking quiet pleased with the reaction, continues. "Yes, but for some challenges, such as this one…"

"Which we still don't know what it is." Comes Alister's irritated voice.

"Let me finish," Chris responds "For this challenge, you will be paired up."

"Okay… but we still don't know what the challenge is."

Chris sighs with impatience. "Look, just… follow me."

Walking away from the campers, they look at each other before shrugging their shoulders and following Chris. Walking slightly passed an outhouse; Chris abruptly turns around and begins to speak.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot. This here is the con-"

He stops short as Owen walks up the outhouse, hugging it.

"Ahhhhhh, the confession can. My old friend."

Chris seems less than freaked by this, considering he saw Owen talk to a 'Mr. Coconut' in the previous season.

"Yeah," he drawls "This is the confession can." Adopting a very sage-like voice he continues, "A place of solitude, where you can confess your thoughts, relax, gossip in peace… in front of the entire viewing world."

"Oh-so private." Comes Gwen's sarcastic voice.

"I know, eh. Just like the one from last year, 'cept we had it cleaned."

Owen opens the door to reveal an insanely well cleaned toilet. Who knew cleaning it was possible.

"Great Scott! It's still here! Ha-ha!" Owen says with great excitement. He turns around holding the lid of the seat… which has a bite in it.

Gwen sighs, "Right, all you can eat pancakes…"

Now Chris seems a little freaked. "I was trying to forget that confessional video." He involuntarily shudders.

"!"

Everyone turns around at Kaila's exasperated shout.

Up ahead is Kaila pointing around a bend in the road leading into the trees. As the campers approach her, what she's pointing at comes into focus. Up ahead is a triplet of old Willy's Jeeps, all painted the same drab green, outfitted with a small roll-cage and extended personnel space, except the last one, which only has the roll-cage.

"Do those things even start?" Wyatt ponders.

Chris laughs, "Oh, yes they run. We had them completely restored. They run like a dream."

Just as Chris finished speaking, Alister jumps into the driver's seat of the front jeep.

"I guess that means the 'Dreambreaker' himself gets to drive."

"I guess," Chris says "Less we have to use the interns, the more money we save. Who else can drive?"

Steve raises his hand, "I can."

"Good. Veteran camper's you're with me!"

The vets follow Chris to the middle vehicle, as they hop in Courtney asks.

"Why do we have to ride with _you_?" Putting much venom into the final world.

Chris mutters quietly, so not too be heard by the other campers. "Because frankly, you annoy me a whole lot less than those guys."

As Chris' jeep rolls on up the newly formed road, everyone races to get a seat in a jeep.

Jumping in beside Alister, Kaila yells. "Shotgun!"

Only Wyatt and Katie manage to jump into Alister's jeep before he peels out, gunning around the corner.

Steve looks around at the remaining five campers. "Are we all gonna fit in here?"

Hodder jumps in the shotgun seat. "Dunno."

In the small personnel space behind the seats, sit Dana and Lily with Piper on the floor in the middle, looking at Sparrow, who now has no-where to sit.

He mumbles something about 'the short end of the stick', before jumping onto the rear bumper and holding onto the roll-bar.

"You gonna be okay back there?" Comes Steve's slightly worried voice.

"Just drive." Drake replies.

Steve looks over to Hodder, who just shrugs his shoulders, making motions for him to just go. Steve puts the jeep into gear and hits the gas, propelling the jeep forward at a high speed, nearly causing Drake to fall. Drifting around the muddy corner they head off down the road, into the woods.

* * *

_A blurry picture of a police car with its light on is in the background, while the COPS logo comes into view, playing the iconic theme song._

'_Bad boys, Bad boys…'_

"_Next on COPS," the narrator begin, "We cover a drug-bust in Colorado, and the hunt for an ex-game show contestant."_

'_Whatcha goin' do, Watcha goin' do when we come for you…'_

_A SWAT member kicks open the door of an average looking home. The camera fades into the next shot, showing a very familiar red-headed woman riding a motorcycle down the free-way into incoming traffic, yelling at the top of her lungs._

"_YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME!!!"_

_It fades back into COPS screen shot._

'_Bad boys, Bad boys…"_

"_On FOX." _

* * *

Confessional: Drake sitting down, looking a little worst for wear, talks to the camera. "Next time…" he points to his chest, "I drive."

* * *

"WATCH THE CLIFF!" Drake yells, as he is nearly thrown off the back of the jeep, as Steve turns sharply, so they don't plummet over the edge of the fast approaching cliff side. Back tires sliding just around the edge, Steve guns the engine, pulling the steering wheel into a hard turn in an attempt to straighten out. Gaining a little control, he straightens out the wheel, getting back onto the cliff side path.

* * *

Confessional: Hodder's leaning back into the seat. He pops out a thumb, pointing to himself. "Yeah… I'm driving next time."

* * *

Everyone in the jeep, which just so happens to be five, releases a collective sigh of relief. Hodder turns around in his seat.

"Hey, you guys okay back there?"

Dana and Lily look at each other, before turning to Hodder, nodding. Piper just gives a shaky thumbs-up. Looking past them, he pats Steve on the shoulder.

"You might want to pullover…"

Steve averts his gaze from the road. "Why?" He asks as he slows down,

Hodder simply points back the way they came. Stopping, Steve turns around in his seat. Lily and Dana also follow to where his finger is pointing.

"That's gotta hurt…"

Lying in the middle of the road is a green and blue lump, Sparrow. He sits up, covered in scrapes and dirt, and raises his left arm.

"I'm okay…" Before promptly passing out and falling back.

Let's check in on our other jeep full of newbies shall we…

* * *

"I WANNA ROCK!" The duo of Alister and Kaila yell.

"ROCK!" Screams Katie.

Sitting beside Katie, Wyatt just chuckles while shaking his head. He starts drumming on his legs, giving them a beat. After a good minute, Alister starts to laugh.

"Guys, guys!" Alister tries to say through his fit of laughter, "Look we need to get serious now."

"Awww," Kaila whines, "Why so serious?"

"Look, after this challenge we're goin' to be voting someone off, and I want call a meeting of the new guys together."

Leaning closer to Alister, Wyatt asks. "What are ya thinkin'?"

Alister gives a cocky grin, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "I think I may have plan, my cowboy friend of mine."

* * *

Confessional: Dana is sitting loosely over the seat. "Hmmm," she drawls, "My gossip-senses are tingling." She releases a quiet giggle.

* * *

At the top of the thousand-foot cliff, stand Chris and the vets, looking extremely impatient.

"What's taking them so long?"

As if on cue, Alister's jeep comes to a sliding halt, spraying a load of mud into the host's face. Looking even more pissed off he wipes the mud from his face. Laughing as the campers jump out of the jeep, Alister apologizes.

"Sorry man, but I couldn't pass up that opportunity."

Red in the face, Chris points to the vets. "Just stand over there…"

Pulling up and stopping slowly, the passengers of the final jeep jump out. The girls walk over to stand next to the rest of the campers, as Hodder and Steve help Sparrow out of the back of the jeep.

"What happened to him, brah?" Geoff asks Lily.

"He took a tumble off the back of the jeep."

"Harsh…"

Chris looks around at all the campers. "We all here? Good. It is now time for your first challenge."

Bridgette interrupts. "This isn't going to be a repeat of last year is it?"

Chris looks appalled. "Do you have no confidence in our writing staff? Like we would use the same challenge twice, repetition is bad for ratings, you know. No, in this challenge you and a partner will bungee jump off the cliff. At the bottom, you will find multiple items floating in the water. Each Item is worth a set amount of points."

"You gonna tell us what there worth?" Drake mumbles, still a little tipsy from the fall.

"Not until the end of the game, when each pair has an item. You must grab an item before you rebound back up. They are hollow balls, inside is a slip of paper telling us what each one is worth. Hopefully, you would have grabbed a high point item."

"So, this challenge is all about luck then?" Courtney asks.

"That and trust. Only one of the partners is going to jump, while the other has the other end attached to themselves, acting as support. Speaking of partners…" He pulls a piece of paper out of his back pocket. "The partners are…

Lily and Piper…"

Lily looks over at Piper and smiles. Piper blushes a little.

* * *

Confessional: Piper has her head buried in her hands. "Just had to be her."

* * *

"Duncan and Steve…"

Duncan raises an eyebrow while Steve just shrugs.

"Sparrow and Hodder…"

Sparrow swaying a little, mutters a 'Cool', while Hodder gulps.

"Katie and Owen…"

Katie has a 'what?' look on her face, and Owen yells. "Bring it on!"

"Gwen and Dana…"

Dana waves at Gwen, who rolls her eyes.

* * *

Confessional: Gwen looks moody as usual. "Paired with the prep? Nice…" She scoffs.

* * *

"Wyatt and Bridgette…"

Wyatt tips his hat at her, while she smiles.

"Alister and Kaila…"

They high-five each other.

"And finally Geoff and Courtney."

They look at each other, and just shrug their shoulders.

As they shuffle to stand next to their partners, Chris begins to talk again.

"Oh, and by the way, I get to choose who jumps."

They all turn to him, giving him looks that range from nasty to 'you are an evil host'. Chris smiles, quite pleased with the reaction.

"Owen, Katie your up first. And guess what… Owen is jumping!"

* * *

Confessional: Katie looks straight into the camera. "You sick, son of a *Beep*!"

* * *

Just as Katie finishes tying the end of the cord to herself, Owen quickly dives off the cliff screaming at the top of his lungs. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she closes her eyes and braces for the inevitable. Instead of being pulled forward, she is pulled back by a pair of strong arms. She opens her eyes and turns her head to see Steve holding her.

"What are you doing?"

Steve smiles. "I may want to win, but I don't want to someone get killed 'cause of some stupid stunt."

* * *

Confessional: "She may not be my usual type," Steve casually says to the camera. "But she's pretty damn cute."

* * *

She smiles, closes her eyes and pulls back against the rope as Owen starts pulling her forward. Pulling her back as well, Steve digs his feet into the ground. They are pulled a good few feet across the muddy ground, before Owen comes shooting back up onto the cliff. He lands with as much grace as a man his size can possibly have, holding not one but two balls.

"Go Owen!" Katie exclaims as Steve lets her go.

Chris looks pretty upset. He mutters. "I was hoping she would fall."

He speaks a little louder as to be heard. "I don't know if I should count that, considering you had help, but I'll let it slide as it is the first challenge. Next up is Steve and Duncan, with the latter jumping."

Quickly harnessing up, they bump fists before Duncan leaps off. Quickly stopping above the water, Duncan grabs a ball before ricocheting back up. Landing roughly on the ground, he slips backwards, nearly losing the ball.

"Far too close for my taste." Steve says as he helps Duncan up.

"No kidding."

"Very… boring. Hopefully Bridgette and Wyatt are more interesting than that. By the way, farm boy's jumping."

Wyatt just shakes his head as he pulls on the harness. He takes off his hat, revealing the white streak in his hair, and throws it on a seat in a jeep. Walking over to the edge, he turns around giving a choppy salute, before leaning back and diving off. Effortlessly gliding through the air, he manages to snag two balls before coming back up.

As he lands, he stumbles forward before getting his footing back.

"Here." Bridgette says as she throws him his hat back.

Catching it and easily flipping it back onto his head, he replies. "Much obliged."

Chris' mood drops another notch. "We need some serious action. Alister, Kaila better make this good. You're jumping dude."

Harness quickly being pulled on, he whispers something to Kaila. Eyes lighting up, she nods furiously. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Alister swiftly performs a front flip of the side of the cliff, flying closer to the water below. Easily swiping a ball, he quickly rises back up. But before he lands, Kaila does a swan dive off the cliff side. Now with her gliding to waves below, Alister braces for the incoming pull. Kaila grabs a ball with ease before rocketing back up. Coming back to ground level, she lands in a dramatic pose yelling at the top of her lungs.

"Ta-da!"

A round of applause bellows from the campers. Now Chris seems real cheery. "Dude! That was totally AWESOME!"

Alister puffs his chest out. "I do what can."

"Unfortunately…" Chris drawls, "I said only _one _of you could jump. So you gotta decide which ball you're using for the point count."

Alister and Kaila glance at each other, shrugging their shoulders, before he tosses his ball back over the edge,

"It's goin' to be hard to top that. Dana and Gwen, time to jump. Dana you're takin' the plunge."

As Dana pulls on the harness, Gwen ties the cord around her waist. Dana walks to the edge, looking down at the rough waters below. Being impatient, Gwen roughly pushes her off.

* * *

Confessional: Gwen looks a little ashamed. "I know that was mean… I-I guess I was just a little peeved about the weather."

* * *

Screaming as she falls, Dana barely manages to grab a ball, before flying back up. Landing hard on the ground, the ball rolls out of her hands and back down to the waters below.

"Tsk. Tsk." Chris scolds. "Poor performance indeed."

Dana, looking a little dazed, tries to stand but slips on the mud. Walking up to her, Drake grabs her arm and helps her up.

"Thanks." She mumbles.

"Come on, cheer up." He says as he lifts her chin, smiling down at her.

Chris coughs to clear his throat, getting Drakes attention as well. "Since you're already up, you can support Hodder as he jumps."

Dana ducks her head and moves away as Hodder waltzes up to Drake. Already having tied the cord around his waist, Drake watches as Hodder nervously pulls on the harness.

"Come on, you aren't scared are you?"

Hodder gives him a killing-look. "I'm not exactly a 'fan' of heights."

"I kinda figured. Look… if you're not goin' to do it for me, for the challenge, do it for a lily." He nods his head, in the direction of a certain flower girl. Hodder looks at her, just as she raises her gaze, and smiles at him.

Sighing Hodder walks to the cliff edge, with Drake on his right.

"Heh, knew that'd work."

With a small chuckle he replies. "Screw you Sundance."

Chuckling along, Drake responds. "After you, Butch."

Hodder gives one final sigh. "See you in hell, kid." He than leaps off the cliff side.

Digging his heels into the muddy earth, Drake pulls hard on the cord just as it grows taught. Skimming the waves of the water below, Hodder manages to snag one of the balls. Zipping back up, he stumbles slightly as he lands.

"Never. Again." He says as he hands the ball to Sparrow.

"By the way," Sparrow says, "I'm older than you." He chuckles. "Kid."

Hodder walks away, chuckling and shaking his head.

"Alright," Chris speaks, "Almost done here. Courtney, you're jumping."

"I refuse." She states simply,

"Awww," Duncan drawls. "Is princess scared?"

Gaining furious fires in her eyes, she quickly pulls the harness on and jumps boldly off the cliff side. Not having time to tie the cord to his waist, Geoff just hopes for the best and holds it snug in his grip. Swiftly rising and landing, Courtney pelts Duncan in the head with the ball she just brought up.

"Who's scared again?" She asks with attitude.

"Let's just wrap this up. Lily, you're jumpin'."

Lily sighs, walking towards Sparrow. She gently removes his jacket, which she was still wearing, and hands it back to him.

"Thanks for the loan, Mr. Drake."

He laughs lightly, taking the jacket. "Please, just Sparrow."

She smiles as she walks away, putting on the harness. Piper, already having the cord tied to herself, give Lily a thumbs up. Lily smiles at her, before swan diving elegantly off the edge. Coming down fast, she swiftly grabs a ball. Rising fast, she lands gingerly.

"Everyone went? Finally, open the orbs!"

Opening their orbs, Owen and Katie are greatly disappointed.

"You grabbed two. And they both turn out to be worth one!" Katie yells.

"Heh-heh, Sorry…"

Steve and Duncan open theirs.

"Well, at least we didn't get the lowest." Steve says, being optimistic.

Duncan scoffs. "Well five just ain't going to cut it."

Wyatt opens one while Bridgette opens another.

"Yahoo! Got ten here!" Wyatt exclaims,

"And Five here!" replies Bridgette.

Opening theirs, Alister and Kaila smile.

"Sweet we got ten!"

Dana glares at Gwen, who likewise does the same. Chris laughs. "Guess who gets to clean the communal washrooms tonight?"

"WHAT!!!" They both scream.

"Must've forgotten to mention that." He continues to laugh.

* * *

Side-by-side Confessional: Gwen glares into the camera. "He is so dead…"  
: Dana stares daggers into the camera. "Chris Mclean must die…" She then smiles cheerfully.

* * *

Drake opens the orb in his hand.

"Yeah! Got ten buddy!" He says as he and Hodder high-five.

Courtney opens the orb, which now has a dint in it.

"Five!?! That's it!?!"

Geoff, always the peace keeper, tries to calm her down. "Chill out, Courtney. Least we don't have to clean the stalls."

Lily gives Piper the orb she grabbed.

"You do the honours."

Piper smiles brightly as she pops open the orb. "Oh. My. God. We got twenty. We got twenty!"

She grabs Lily in a hug, as they jump up and down. After realizing what she just did, Piper stops and let's go.

"S-sorry."

Lily gently pats her on the back. "Hey… quit being so shy."

Chris is giggling to himself. "Finally we have a winner."

He hands both Lily and Piper a bright crimson bandana. "These represent immunity."

He turns to the rest of the campers. "I'll see you losers at the campfire ceremony tonight."

Looking at Gwen and Dana he continues. "And as for you two, talk to Chef when we get back down to camp."

* * *

_Back at Camp…_

* * *

The rain having finally quit, leaves the world fresh and new. All this is appreciated by the campers, all except two unfortunates, holding mops and assorted cleaning supplies.

"You maggots better get to it!" Chef barks to the two unfortunate campers.

"Ugh…" Gwen moans. "Better get it over with." She reluctantly enters the washrooms as Chef walks away.

Sighing, Dana starts to walk towards the door when she is tapped on the shoulder. Startled, she spins around to see Drake smirking down at her.

"Little jumpy are we?"

Receiving a quick slap to the arm, he laughs as she yells at him. "Don't scare me like that!"

He chuckles softly. "And miss the look on your face? Not a chance."

"Well, what do want?"

He wraps his arm gently around her shoulders. "You aren't actually thinking about going in there are you?"

She sighs. "I don't really have a choice do I?"

He grabs the mop out of her hands and leans it against the wall. "You always have a choice."

"But Chris sai-"

"Who cares what Chris said? All you have to do…" He takes the rest of the supplies and sets them down. "Is walk… away."

"But…"

"But nothing! Look, Alister called all the new campers together to talk."

"Is that the only reason you came?"

"Yeah."

She looks straight into his eyes. "Oh, really?"

He ducks his head. "Okay… maybe I'd just miss your pretty face."

Her cheeks turn a rosy colour. "What does Alister want, anyway?"

"I don't know. He just said he wants all the new guys there." He grabs her hand pulling her along. "Well? Come on."

"Bu-"

He laughs, pulling her closer. "Just come on."

Sighing in reluctance, she gives in and goes with Sparrow.

"So why is your name Sparrow?"

"Not telling you, dear Heart."

"Why not?"

He chuckles softly. "Because I am a mystery. And a mystery I shall remain."

She snorts. "Drama king…"

"Oh, hush."

* * *

After a half-hour of cleaning, Glen is hit with realization. "Wait… where's the prep?"

She glances out of the stall she's cleaning, hearing and seeing nothing.

"That little-"

* * *

Gathered down at the dock are all the new campers, still wearing their jackets to protect them from the night chill.

Clearing his throat, Alister begins to speak. "I have gathered you here to discuss who is getting booted tonight."

The crowd formed starts to murmur to themselves,

"Quiet! Quiet!" He yells. "None of you are the ones that should be afraid of being voted off."

Steve leans forward a little. "What're you talking 'bout?"

Alister smirks. "I'm talking about the 'predicament' the vets are in…"

"Jesus Alister, while we're young." Drake chuckles, whose arm is wrapped around Dana's shoulders.

"Okay, my impatient friend. I'm talking about how we outnumber the vets."

Lily speaks up. "Wait… you aren't talking about-"

"Yes." He interrupts. "I'm talking about getting rid of the vets."

* * *

_At the campfire ceremony…_

* * *

Standing at his podium is Chris, while the campers sit on the stumps across from him. Newly placed for this season is a table with a jar and pen, sitting close to his podium.

"Welcome to the first campfire ceremony of the season. Those of you, who are voted off, will never return."

"Just like last year…" Gwen scoffs.

"Nope. The producers made it really clear there were to be no comebacks. Tonight Lily and Piper have immunity, so everyone else is free game. Now, you each will walk up and write your vote on a piece of parchment." He gestures to the table. "And put it into the jar. Chop-chop!"

One by one the new campers go up, each writing out the same name, all except one of them.

Confessional: Lily is looking quiet nervous. "It just didn't feel right… you know? She's my friend but…" She sighs. "I'm sorry, Dana."

Duncan casually walks up. Writing a name down, he holds it up for the camera.

"You seem like the biggest threat. And besides, you're way too cocky."

He sits down as Courtney walks up. Writing a name down in very sophisticated letters, she holds it up to the camera.

"You played the worst. And I like Gwen more than you. You are the weakest link, goodbye."

Sliding on up and writing a name down is Bridgette.

"As much as like her, she didn't have to push the newbie like that. Sorry."

Up next is Owen.

"I really don't know them that well, but you did play the worst. Sorry."

Coming up is Geoff, who casually writes down a name.

"No getting close to my girl. And I'm the only one that wears a cowboy hat on this here island."

Storming up to the table next is Gwen.

"You bailed on cleaning. What the hell? Goodbye."

Storming back to her seat, Chris stands to collect the jar.

"Okay… let's see here."

He pulls out a sheet of parchment. "Gwen…"

"Gwen…"

"Gwen…"

"Sparrow…"

"Gwen…"

"Dana…"

"Gwen…"

"Dana…"

"Wyatt…"

"Dana…"

"Dana…"

"Gwen…"

"Gwen…"

"Gwen…"

"Gwen…"

"Gwen."

Gwen looks dumbfounded as Chris continues. "Wow. That was unexpected. I mean why'd you guys have to vote off one of the most popular campers. Not good for ratings."

"But why me?" Gwen yells.

Alister clears his throat. "Well you did push Dana." He says, easily avoiding the true reason.

"But, but, but-"

"No buts," Chris interrupts. "You may go now."

Before she can object, Chef grabs her and drags her down the Dock of Shame to the Boat of Losers.

Chris turns to the camera. "And there we have it. The first episode of the greatest reality show on TV! Or soon to be. Maybe." He shrugs. "In a shocking twist of events Gwen was booted off. Who woulda thought. What will happen next time? Who knows? I'm your host, Chris Mclean, and I'll see you next time on Total! Drama! Backfire!"

* * *

A/N

I have two things to say:

1) Go to My Forums and give me ideas!

And

2) Holy shit that was long! Not sure if the next chapters will be this long, or if I'll divide them up into two-part episodes. Who knows?

Sorry to PhantomOfTheCarolinaOpry, your character wasn't submitted in time.

I'll see you around.

K.C.


	4. Figured You Out

A/N

Uh… yeah… my bad? Yes it's been… 5 months? I know, I know. I apologize. I'll try to actually work on this more frequently, but the humour bug just hasn't been with me lately. So I wrote the beginning of another fic I had in my head. Check it if you wish. Did I mention I was sorry? I blame RPGs… namely Dragon Age and Fallout 3…

…

Sorry?

* * *

The camera slowly pans over the fresh landscape of Camp Wawanakwa. From the previous day's storm, the land is vibrant and radiant. Cute woodland creatures scurry around the forest. The grass grows, birds fly, the sun shines and the host at the end of the dock? Well… he hurts people. Legally of course, or at least according to his contract.

Flashing a highly rehearsed smile he announces to the camera he announces. "Welcome back! I'm your favourite host, Chris Mclean, and this is Total Drama Backfire!" He waves his arm in the direction of the camp.

"Last time, we had a very simple bungee-jumping challenge. I, personally, wanted to do something more exciting. But the Big Cheese wants 'to save the best for last' so to speak." He shrugs. "As long as I'm getting paid I don't care." A joyful laugh. "Any way, even though the duo of Gwen and Dana did the worst, only one could be sent home. In the end, Gwen got the boot." A crooked grin finds a way onto his face. "Day one and we already have a conspiracy. On day two of the hottest show on TV, what will happen? Will another vet go home? Will this challenge be as boring as the last? Will the vets catch wind of the newbie's plans? Will there be more flirting? Will there be injuries? Who knows? These questions, and many more, will be answered on the most dramatic episode yet, on… Total! Drama! Backfire!"

* * *

_A tall man, with short, shaggy hair, dressed in a smoke-gray suit with a crimson shirt underneath, is standing somewhere in the forests of Wawanakwa._

"_Welcome…" He drawls in smooth baritone. "I am the C.E.O. of Broken Wings Inc., Keith Clark. After the show broke away from their old sponsors," he chuckles. "Suckers. Anyway, after they broke away from there old sponsors, the show lost the rights to use the iconic theme song, 'I wanna be famous'. Now I am asking fans of the show to submit an original piece for use as the shows theme. The maker of the winning theme will be able to meet their favourite contestant, from either this year or last year." He flashes a charming smile. "Would you kindly?"_

* * *

Lying at the end of the dock, dressed only in cargo shorts, with his feet swaying beneath the water is Sparrow. He brings a lit cigarette to his lips, drawing in a deep breath.

Sighing out the smoke, he says to himself. "Now where could you be, El…"

"Those things'll kill ya, you know."

Sparrow bolts around to see Wyatt, with a smirk plastered to his face, standing a few feet down the dock. Looking a little embarrassed, Sparrow quickly snuffs out the smoke against the dock.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm uh… trying to quit."

"Hey, it's your habit not mine."

Sparrow chuckles softly. "Too true mate, too true."

Sitting down beside Sparrow, he dangles his bare feet into the calm water. Being curious, Wyatt innocently asks.

"So who's 'El'?"

The small smile that was playing on Sparrow's lips falters a little, before he replies.

"Oh, she's just a friend that I lost contact with. We didn't exactly leave each other under the best circumstances."

"Bad break-up?"

Sparrow just shrugs, "Guess you could say that."

"I ain't gonna get a straight answer for any question I ask, am I?"

He releases a low laugh. "More than likely."

"Well, was 'El' her real name?"

"That I will answer straight for you." He runs his hand through his thick hair. "Her name was Elika Salem."

"Elika Salem…" Wyatt says, as if to taste the name. "Huh, never heard a name like that before.

"Trust me mate, you've never met a girl like her."

Wyatt laughs joyfully. "How would I know? You've told me nothin' 'bout her."

Sparrow lets an amused sigh escape his lips. "She was an 'Actions speak louder than words' kinda girl. She literally was a wild card. Wouldn't know what she would do next. She was… think of a less crazy, more devious version of Kaila."

Wyatt skilfully raises an eyebrow. "Never heard a girl being described as devious before, well aside from Heather."

"Yeah well, she was."

Giving him a serious look Wyatt asks, "Did you love her?"

"Did. Past-tense. Not anymore."

"Moved on?"

Sparrow nods. "On to bigger and better things, my friend."

Wyatt fails to hold in a chuckle. "Or you know, 'Dear Heart'."

Sparrow smacks his arm jokingly. "Hey, that's _my _nickname for her."

"Didn't peg you as the kinda guy who goes for the 'Gossip, Queen Bee' type."

"I'm not. But she's… different. There's just something about her I can't put my finger on."

Wyatt chuckles in amusement. "Two mysteries together. What's that? An enigma?"

Sparrow joins in with his laughter. "We are a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, locked with a puzzle."

Wyatt whistles in surprise. "Very sage-like."

"You kidding me?" He laughs. "Pretty sure I got that from a fortune cookie."

They both share a laugh, despite how lame the joke was.

"Oh, how the devil herself could be pulled outta me."

Wyatt asks. "So you traded a devil for an angel?"

"You got it right, mate. And you know what?" Sparrow asks, as he pats his hand against Wyatt's shoulder. "You're a great mate. Feels good to… let it out every once in a while."

Wyatt just smiles. "What are friends for?"

"You're a good man." Sparrow hops to his feet. "And I've just gotten a great idea."

Looking slightly confused, Wyatt questions. "Where're ya goin'?"

A mischievous smirk forms on Sparrow's face. "Why, I'm goin' to ask 'Dear Heart' to dance."

* * *

Confessional: Wyatt is casually sitting down. He shrugs his shoulders. "Damned if I have clue."

* * *

"So remind me again, why didn't we vote off Owen? He was last season's winner after all." Steve asks once more.

"Because…" Alister replies. "He will be easily motivated to do things when we need him to. And voting off Gwen would create less suspicion"

"Ah… I see."

Down on the beach lie much of the rookies, all decked out in various forms of swimsuits. Steve, Alister, and Hodder sit closer up near the beach edge, while the trio of Piper, Dana and Lily are down closer to the water. Running his hands through his beard, Hodder casts another glance down the beach, looking at certain flower girl.

"Dude," Steve drawls. "Just go talk to her or something." He points down at the trio down the beach.

Hodder glares at him. "I will… eventually."

Waiting a few moments for any sign that he was going to move, Steve scolds. "Just go."

"Fine I will." Hodder says, not moving an inch.

"Go already!" An exasperated Steve growls.

Sighing heavily, Hodder starts to stand. "Fine."

Just as he gets to his feet, Sparrow comes barrelling down the beach. Skidding to halt, he looks at both Steve and Hodder.

"Guys, I need a favour."

Looking at each other, Steve and Hodder ask. "What kind a favour?"

"One that if you do it, I'll owe you. _Big_ time"

Still sceptical, Hodder inquires. "What would we have to do?"

Sparrow chuckles softly. "You guys didn't happen to bring any instruments with you, did you?"

* * *

"What do you think they're talking about?" Piper asks, the water skimming her toes. She's looking at the very animated discussion between the three of the four boys up the beach.

Dana, with her arm propped on her leg with her chin resting in her hand, answers slowly. "I don't know…"

Lily giggles. "I thought you were supposed to know all the gossip."

She releases a little huff. "I know. I guess I'm getting rusty."

"Or…" Piper interjects. "_You're just distracted." _She says in a sing-song tone.

Dana goes on the defensive. "And what's _that _supposed to mean?"

Piper smiles mischievously, deepening her voice to imitate someone. "Why nothing, _Dear Heart_."

Dana groans as she buries her face into her hands, to hide the growing blush on her face. "We've been here A DAY!"

"So what do you know about him?"

Dana sighs. "That's just it. I don't know anything about him."

Lily inhales sharply. "Ouch. You _are_ getting rusty."

Dana gives a small smirk towards Lily. "I may be rusty, but I do know something."

"Oh, yeah? And what would that be?"

"_That somebody likes you…_" Dana sings in a teasing tone.

Lily just rolls her eyes. "Jeez, I wonder who that is."

"Okay, it is kinda obvious."

"Kinda?" Piper says. "That's, like, 'full blown zit on your forehead' obvious."

Both Lily and Dana look at her with a grossed out look.

"Not exactly the best analogy, huh?"

"Duh." They reply in unison.

"So," Piper says, desperately trying to change the subject. "What do you know, Dana?"

Dana smiles, her talent finally coming to good use.

"Well," she drawls. "Let's see; Hodder has a huge crush on Lily…"

Lily blushes a light rosy-pink.

"Our resident cowboy got struck by lightning…"

All of them cringe at the thought.

Confessional: Wyatt looks slightly dazed and confused. "How the hell she figure that out? I've told no one here."

"Kaila is, more than likely, even crazier than Izzy."

Lily interjects. "Where is she, anyway?"

Both Dana and Piper shrug, before Piper says.

"She said something 'bout, and I quote, 'Gonna get a sweet pair of kicks like Eva had last season.' Whatever the hell that means."

Confessional: Kaila is sitting casually on the pot, her legs crossed, lightly humming a catchy tune. On her feet are a very, _very _hairy pair of purple-fur boots

Confessional: The sasquatchanakwa is slumped in the booth, looking like it's about to cry. It lifts its leg, now furless from mid-calf down, rubs it and bursts into tears

"Uh-huh…" Dana continues. "Steve is in-fact, not Goth."

"We could have told you that." Lily says, wagging her finger between Piper and herself.

"Let me finish. Uh… Katie has been through many families."

"Would the Gossip Queen happen to know where Miss James is?"

Nearly jumping out of her skin, Dana bolts around to face Sparrow. Slapping his shoulder roughly she yells.

"What did I tell you 'bout sneaking up on me?"

He releases a very short laugh. "You just need to relax."

Plopping back down to the ground, Dana releases a small 'humph'.

"Hey," Piper pokes him in the leg. "You should check the cafeteria."

"Thanks, I needed to go there anyway." He starts walking away, waving over his shoulder. "See you ladies later."

As Dana turns back to the girls, they look at her as if she should do something.

"What?"

Piper and Lily look at each other, each raising an eyebrow. They reply in unison.

"Maybe you should follow him."

Dana looks at them blankly. "Why?"

The duo just continues to stare at her.

"Oh," After a moment her eyes light up. "Oh! I'll be right back!"

As Dana runs of towards the cafeteria, Lily and Piper sigh.

"She really is rusty."

"No, she's just distracted."

"Rusty."

"Distracted."

"Ruh-sty."

"Dis-tract-ed."

* * *

Confessional: Lily is casually sitting with her chin resting in her hands. "That really was a pointless argument. She's just rusty, not distracted." She nods her head, approving her statement.

* * *

Being the ninja she is, Dana was easily able to follow Sparrow to the cafeteria without him knowing. But, being the blonde she is, just so happened to trip up, yes up, the steps a few seconds after Sparrow went through the door. She bolts behind the door just as it opens. Sparrow pokes his head out, seeing nothing, and closes the door.

Sighing in relief, she crawls to a nearby window. Spying inside she sees Sparrow walk slowly over to Katie, who was sitting at one of the tables. The glass being as thin as it was, she was easily able to hear what was being said.

"_Like a gift from the heavens it was easy to tell…_" Sparrow sings terribly off-key.

Joining in, Katie finishes the line, in-tune. "_…It was love from above could save me from hell._"

"Good to see you know the song. Listen, I need a favour."

"Oh," She tilts her head to the side slightly. "What kinda favour?"

Stopping himself right before he answered aloud, he leans down to whisper in her ear. Katie's face portrays many things… confusion, interest, understanding to finally outright glee.

"I am SO in!" She exclaims.

Sparrow chuckles at her enthusiasm. "Good. You on for eight?"

She nods furiously. "You better believe it!"

"That a girl. Go talk to Hodder and Steve. They'll tell you the rest."

Jumping out of her seat, nearly tipping it over, she gives a choppy salute before gunning out the door.

Sparrow chuckles again. "Crazy chica."

As Sparrow swiftly heads toward the kitchen, Dana ducks back down and leans against the wall.

"Now what is he planning?"

Hearing a little rustling coming from the kitchen, she raises her head to look through the window, only to come face to face with Sparrow through the glass.

Her eyes turning into saucers as she waves sheepishly. "Uh… hi?"

Smirking at her, he replies. "Why don't you guy spy on Chris and find out what are next challenge is."

Taking this as her cue to leave and avoid further embarrassment, she smiles brightly before standing up and leaving.

Sparrow, highly amused by her actions, goes back into the kitchen to get the final piece of his plan into place.

* * *

Confessional: Dana has her head buried deep into her hands. "I am _so _rusty…"

* * *

"We're fucked." Duncan states bluntly.

The veteran campers are all hanging around the old Bear cave.

"So you call a meeting, make us walk all the way to this stupid cave, all just to say 'We're fucked'?" Courtney asks in annoyance.

"No Princess," He answers coldly. "I'm talking about how we're outnumbered by the new dweebs. And on how they all conspired to vote Gwen off."

Geoff butts in. "Dude, what're you talkin' about. They voted her off 'cause the pushed one of the new girls off the cliff."

"That's what they want you to think. Think about it, all ten of them voted for her."

"Actually," Bridgette nervously rubs the back of her neck. "I kinda voted for Gwen…"

"Why would you do that, Bridge?" Geoff questions.

"She really didn't _have_ to push the newbie. I mean, that was pretty cold."

"Look," Duncan says. "It doesn't matter. Enough of _them_ voted for Gwen that it looks suspicious. My guess is that they're going to try and vote off all of us first."

Owen finally speaks up. "But what'd we ever do to them?"

"Dude, they see us as a threat. After all, we were on last season."

"But that's just so mean, it-" Owen stops as a large roar comes from the inside of the cave.

All the vets nervously back away from the cave entrance. The large roars continue, as a female war-cry joins in. Luckily this wasn't filmed, cause judging be the sounds of tearing and hits being thrown, this most likely would have had to been censored. The sounds begin to die down.

After about a minute of silence, Kaila comes strolling out humming a simple tune. Not a hair out of place, she casually waves to the group.

"By the way," She says, swiftly sliding up next to Duncan. "You're right."

As she skips away towards camp, the vets just look on in confusion. They just so happen to being looking at her newest addition to her wardrobe. A deep sobbing cry comes from the cave, causing the campers to back away further.

"What the fu-

* * *

Confessional: Duncan is looking slightly unnerved. "I really, _really _DON'T want to know what happened in there."

Confessional: The sasquatchanakwa is still crying horribly, but the Bear has come to offer some comfort. Its arm slung around its bigfooted friend's shoulders, the Bear tries desperately to calm it down.

* * *

_Meanwhile, inside Chris' trailer…_

"Aha!" Dana exclaims, pulling a file off his desk.

The file she pulled off of his desk, aptly named 'Challenge List', is a thick, well worn binder. She flips to the first page, which outlines the bungee-jumping challenge from last episode. She flips to the next page, which is followed by a dull 'pop' and a cloud of multi-coloured glitter flying into her face.

Dana shrieks as she drops the binder, trying to wipe the copious amount of glitter off her face.

"Ha!" Chris yells as he jumps up from behind his sofa. "I knew that'd pay off! You. Just. Got. Dazzled!"

Chris swiftly closes the file, and guides Dana towards the door.

"I wouldn't come in here again if I were you, unless you want various other products, which not all may be quite so harmless, sprayed at your face."

He roughly shoves her out of the trailer, and slams the door as she stumbles away.

* * *

Coming back from their not-so secret rendezvous, the veterans all flooded into the mess hall. While they were trying to find someplace quiet, they happened to find a rather loud argument between Sparrow and Chef. The vets decide to sit as far away from said argument; just knowing that they'd somehow get involved if the went any closer.

"Come on man, I know you know how to do it!"

Chef grunts in response, "So? Why would I wanna do anything to help you, maggot?"

Sparrow taps his chin in thought, "I'll… volunteer for kitchen duty?"

No sooner than the offer leaving his lips does Chef reply, "Done. You'll be in here every morning at six a.m. sharp. You will do the dishes. You will clean the mess hall and kitchen. Do you understand me, maggot?"

Sparrow salutes properly, "Sir, yes sir!"

"Dismissed." Chef says as he returns to the campers dinner… which looks just, nasty.

"You know…" Courtney says sarcastically as Sparrow walks towards them. "You pretty much just signed your soul over to the devil?"

"Oh really? I already sold my soul to the devil a year back. Did you know the Devil is the manager of a tech support business? He's actually a very nice guy, let me borrow a tie of his once…" He replies in an equally sarcastic tone.

Her eyes narrow. "Just what are you planning?"

He shrugs non-cholantly. "You'll see at eight-ish."

"We know your game plan…" Duncan says menacingly.

"Well, a raccoon could've figured that out. Guess you're actually smarter than wild game, congrats!" Drake replies in mock enthusiasm as he exits the mess hall.

* * *

All is… Okay, so it's not all peaceful. But that's as close as it could get. Until the loudspeaker whines into life with enormous feedback.

"Campers!" Chris' voice booms, "Would you all kindly gather at the campfire grounds… like, now."

The Newcomers are the first to arrive, howling in laughter as they see Dana _completely _covered in glitter.

Sparrow lightly rubs her cheek, trying to remove some of the glitter. "Got dazzled?"

She sighs. "Got dazzled."

Slowly but surely the vets soon arrive. As the last of the campers settle down onto the seating there, they wait patiently for Chris.

…

And wait…

…

Boom! A thick blanket of smoke covers the entire area, causing most of the campers to begin. As the smoke clears, and are finally able to breathe, the site before them causes there spirits to drop.

A squad of men, decked out in camouflage and survival gear, stand behind Chris who is in similar garb. Face paint, combat boots, tranquilizer guns, and the works. And they all look like they're about to take someone's head off. Except Chris, who looks as smug as ever.

"Welcome to the second official challenge! Guess what we're doin'! Come on guess!"

His only response is fifteen stares, from fifteen very, _very_ pissed campers.


End file.
